yes (vanillavillain) wrote,

ghosts and another bird on the ground

the past makes me feel cold... supposedly when a ghost walks by you it does the same. since ghost aren't physical why are they thought to once be physical/in a physical body? ghosts come in places i've been to before... we leave a ghost at each touch breath thought.
i'm doing the sort of thing that happens evey year a few times. actually i guess it is a thing that is just random and happens whenever it happens. it starts out when i'm sewing or working at something or just sitting down quietly looking out the window and not speaking for a certain amount of time. i just start going and i then look through all my old things and letters and emails. and i look at myself in the mirror and there i am. i have so many letters (electric and postal) and so many pictures. and looking at these letters side by side with these pictures i get more and more lost. it seems one should throw away all of these archives to get past them. but i don't. and i don't want to get past things or let things go. should i? i think i move more forward in my present life if i remember and i hold on and move back than if i let go, forget, and push away. or maybe i stay where i always have stayed...because i won't let go and continue. the simplicity in it all is i can't and don't regret. i know things can't be brought back, but i live everything over and over. i dig deeper and deeper and can uproot so many old things so simply. and i place myself back exactly there but so much is missing. i put myself at the end of a moment and continue it for years until i get to now...
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